Mighty Mouse Movie, 1979

March 29, 1979

MJM Studios' new blockbuster ("It's more than a blockbuster," said one studio hack, "It's a neighborhood buster.") MIGHTY MOUSE--THE MOVIE is being given much hope by others in the industry. Some say it will have to bring in $600 million dollars just to break even. It's high cost is due to the fact that they have "A major special effect just about every other minute," says director Peter Bogdonavich. And that sum doesn't include retakes. They'll be able to bring it in for $200 million if they get everything right the first time.

That will be pretty hard to do since there have been many personality clashes between the big-name stars cast for the film and the big-name stars who didn't make it. Just about everyone who didn't get in the cast has been trying to crash the filming. Some have been given cameos to insure their co-operation. Among them are Felix the Cat (who is currently suing a college for illegally using his name for a dorm), Lassie, Frances Bavier, Kenneth Osmond (the infamous "Eddie Haskell"), Keye Luke, and Johnny Carson. Most surprising is Alfred Hitchcock, who wants to do a cameo, as he calls it, "As a sewer rat with my theme music in the background." Bogdanovich was surprised but said he knew that Hitch was losing it. Says Peter, "He probably thinks he's the director."

Two major stars were hospitalized on the first day of shooting, so shooting will be delayed indefinitely. Sylvester Puss and Tom Cat, the pic's two heavies, became temporary heroes before being taken away in an ambulance as they tried to ostracize two unwelcome visitors to the set, none other than their old nemesis--Jerry Mouse and Tweety Bird. Tom attempted to stop them by throwing anvils, but through a freak incident, they boomeranged back towards Sylvester and Tom, giving both serious concussions and flat heads. Though hurt, neither gave up. Sylvester said, "Let me try to catch them with a cleverer, thubtler gag" which consisted of dynamite. The ensuing explosion ravaged Studio B. Both cats were then rushed to the Beverly Hills Veterinary Hospital ("Itsth like going home again," quipped Sylvester. All Tom said was "AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!" in a funny recreation of his famous scream.). Neither Tweety or Jerry were hurt but the last laugh was on them when both were presented with subpoenas by the cats' lawyers. A court date has not been set.

There was an even more unwelcome visitor when they attempted to shoot scenes that neither Tom or Sylvester were in. One take was all that was allotted for a simple scene with Porky Pig, Daffy Duck and Mickey Mouse walking down the street. So who should appear on the corner but Peter's ex, Cybill Shepherd! In attempt to save the scene, all three ignored her. But Shepherd decided to improvise dialogue with "Hey studs, what's up?" Porky ad-libbed "H-h-h-hey lady, don't you know pro-pro-pro-soliciting ain't legal in this city?" And Daffy added, "And even if we had the two bucks, we wouldn't spend it. Woo woo!"

Shepherd became furious and began attacking Porky and Daffy. Mickey quickly slipped into his Mighty Mouse gear and tried to save the pair. Surprisingly, he succeeded. Bogdanovich found the scene very funny--"The idea of Mighty Mouse saving two people from a prostitute is great!" But Shepherd refuses to let her footage be used. "Sure I want to be in the film," she explained, "But not as a prostitute....I had ideas along the lines of Mighty Mouse's girlfriend." When Mickey heard this, he said, "I remember the horrible reviews Donald (Duck) got for THE THREE CABALLEROS [referring to allegations of bestiality]. The closest I ever got myself was with Garbo in MICKEY'S GALA PREMIERE. Hey, and she's playing my mother in this film.....This is getting to be a really sick film!"

Further information will be relayed as it happens.

Top 10 Cartoons (for Mindrot)

January 10, 1979 (Wednesday)

Dear Neal....

I sent off my list of 10 favorite cartoons to Mindrot. They said favorite and not best but the two lists would overlap a little anyway. It was hard deciding, and I tried to let every studio be represented. Below is the list with my reasons for picking them. I'd like to see your list if you have the time to cook one up. Well, here goes (in alphabetical order):

1. ACE IN THE HOLE. This is a very early Woody Woodpecker with Woody as a janitor in the air force who wants to fly a plane real bad. It has three fine gag sequences, climaxing with a great airplane ride that fortunately doesn't end with the plane careening to the ground as in FALLING HARE. This is a lot funnier than FH. It's great elaborate slapstick.

2. ALADDIN AND HIS WONDERFUL LAMP. This is my favorite of the Popeye 2-reelers. The story of Aladdin is so well done that the framing story with Olive seems out of place. It falls in that genre of romance-action flicks with comedy relief, like Errol Flynn's ROBIN HOOD and SUPERMAN. It's one of those parodies that exist as the real thing.

3. GROWING PAINS. This is probably my favorite Foghorn Leghorn cartoon because it has both the dumb Brooklyn dog and Henery Hawk--plus special guest star Sylvester. The chicken hawk doesn't know who the chicken is and gets advice from everybody, eventually making him do one of my favorite Warners schtick when he dresses as an egg. Then Sylvester has a conniption fit when he thinks he's laid an egg.

4. HOMESTEADER DROOPY. This is one of those cartoons that's a total laugh from start to finish. This is one of Avery's best in my opinion (don't see how Adamson could think DRAGALONG DROOPY is better). It has to be one of the best constructed cartoons ever done, with good running gags.

5. HOW TO PLAY BASEBALL. Like the above, you'll roll in the aisle with this Goofy cartoon. I guess Disney thought, "If one Goofy is funny, then 18 Goofys would be even funnier." Guess he was right, although this was directed by Jack Kinney.

6. OLD ROCKIN' CHAIR TOM. Mammy Two-Shoes decides to replace Tom with a cat named Lightnin' who lives up to his name. As Tom will be out of a job and Jerry will always be in danger, the two enemies decide to team up and get even with Lightnin'. This is the only T&J I know of that has a happy ending for all three principals. It's a beautiful cartoon in both story and animation.

7. POPPIN' FLESH. This makes the list because of the stop-motion animation for the title character. Anything you ever wanted to have happen to the Fillsbelly doughboy twerp does in this laugh-a-minute film. (This is one that really lives up to that description.)

8. RABBIT OF SEVILLE. Jones did something that most wouldn't think would work: make a virtually pantomime Bugs Bunny cartoon. It's a lilting cartoon with great music. From fade-in to iris-out a total gem.

9. SOLID SERENADE. An off-beat Tom and Jerry. This has quite a bit of dialogue from Tom in addition to the usual violent gags. In the course of his song, Tom is able to ingratiate both the bulldog and Jerry. Tom does a Charles Boyer impression. Tom's song is quite jazzy and sounds like Fats Waller. (Parental Guidance Suggested.)

10. THUMB FUN. No list would be complete without Porky and Daffy, and this is one of their lesser-known efforts but terribly funny. Porky picks up Daffy--a hitch-hiker. From then on Daffy does funny things like pressing Porky's foot on the accelerator adn saying "Hurry up, fat boy!" and starting a fight with a truck driver that Porky eventually has to fight. But Porky gets his revenge by iris-out in a well-defined character comedy by Robert McKimson (who unfortunately is now dead).

Girl Trouble

September 20, 1978

Dear Neal,

I hope you enjoyed my last letters and appreciate all the time and creative effort that went into them (I spent a total of 15 minutes on the teaser trailer and 20 on the second). This time I plan to paint a true picture of what life is like here. (The picture is included on another sheet of paper although it is not really painted but sketched in pencil. You can color it if you want.)

....Some of the new folks I have met: Jerome S--, a freshman who first told me he was going to become a priest and I later had reason to doubt this when I made friends with his roommate Charles M--, a sophomore, who said that Jerome was mooning over a poster of Kristy McNichol he had just put up. Charles said that Jerome kept saying, "Kristy, I love you."

....Charles and I get along very well because we both have girl trouble. Tonight, he asked me how to get on the good side of a girl. (What a great line to let slip by! Think of all the possible answers.) I told him we was asking the wrong person. I think he has a crush on a girl in Spanish, and he is always asking her to study with him or to go to the movie, but she always says she has football practice and then comes waltzing in on the arm of a jock. He always seems a little forlorn at these moments.

I don't blame him; I've been in the same boat. Together we must generate a lot of anti-sex appeal. A very nice (busty) attractive girl left her books at our table and went to get her lunch. We invited her to sit with us, but she went and sat at a table alone. We thought she didn't mean anything by it till she started pointing at us and laughing.....

'78 The New Fall Season

Excerpted from MJM Productions Press Release, September 18, 1978

THE NEW BILL COSBY SHOW. Instead of having Bill look uncomfortable doing mundane situation comedy or awkward variety show, MJM has Bill doing what he does best, trying to sell Jello Pudding or Ford cars for a complete half hour with no commercial breaks (since it's all commercial). Guests on the first show will be O.J. Simpson (Tree-Sweet and Hertz Rent-a-car), Billy ("The Fritz") Barty and a tribute to the late Bing Crosby for what he's done for Minute Maid.

THE CHIPPED MONKS. MJM's first foray into religious comedy. The chipped monks, engagingly played by Father Charles and Brother Theodore, are two religious men who find fighting the devil is more fun and rewarding after one tastes both sides of the coin while working with young people at a Catholic college. In the opener, the monks, in their zest to get new recruits, accidentally convert a chimpanzee just as the bishop is due for a visit. (The bishop is played by Phil Silvers because it was the only way to settle our lawsuit with him out of court since this premise of the premiere episode is a direct steal from an episode of SERGEANT BILKO.) In future episodes, Martin Mull visits as a young priest who causes an uproar with his song, "Jesus is Easy," and Carol Burnett reprises her Eunice characterization in an episode where she visits her brother Theodore when she decides to become a nun. Due to rumors of a possible breakup between the monks, a separate series is planned for each. For Fr. Charles, a series called FATHER KNOWS BEST about a conservative priest in a liberal parish or a liberal priest in a conservative parish (either way it'll be funny). For Theodore, a new show called OH BROTHER, about a monk who has to teach remedial students religion. The students include a heartthrob guy, an ethnic guy, a cool (or black) guy, and a stupid guy.

STAR WARPS. In the grand tradition of STAR TREK, CAPTAIN VIDEO, FLASH GORDON, BUCK ROGERS, MORK AND MINDY, SPACE PATROL, TOM CORBETT--SPACE CADET, SPACE PATROL, RICKY JONES--SPACE RANGER, STAR WARS, STARSHIP INVASION, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2 CENTURY, QUARK, ABBOT AND COSTELLO GO TO MARS, FLESH GORDON, THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES, SUPERMAN (both parts), BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA and YOGI'S SPACE RACE, comes this thrilling outer space sci-fi epic fantasy, detailing the out-of-this world adventures of Mark Soiltripper and his off-beat crew of motley misfits as they fight and struggle to maintain the order of the universe as we know it. The 21-hour pilot (3 hours every night for a week) details the preliminary adventure as Mark Soultripper (Tod Neumann doing his Gary Busey impression) gets together his crew to protect his beloved princess Maria Tylock Muir. His crew includes a cynical but lovable dog named Buster, a crazy but lovable anarchist woodpecker named Snarkle Voodheckler, and a super pig named Captain Grunteroo. All join forces against the evil and sinister space wolf, Dempty Void, who plans to do nameless things (which will be named by air time) to Maria Tylock Muir. Future characters in future episodes will include Lena Weinerwell, an obscene space Nazi, and Potbelly the Sailor, who is gruff but lovable. This is one show you can't miss since it will be all that is on the TV that week. Be sure and read the novelization by MJM press agent P.R. Ross! (Hopefully out by Christmas if P.R. can lay off the booze.)

So, as you can read you can sure see we have a great season in store (and in the station) for this year. Blow off all your studies so you can watch them all! You can always learn but there'll never be TV like this again! If you don't own a TV, steal one! These shows are good enough to go to jail!

Excerpts from Letter to Neal, September 18, 1978

.....You mentioned you wanted to know the scandals down here. I figured out a good theory as to why Sister Marie, my English teacher, might have become a nun. She is constantly talking about marriage problems and crimes of passion. I have figured out that she killed her lover and her lover's lover and to escape persecution by the law hid out in a convent. One night, while she was posing as a student, she happened to catch one of the films that was being shown during the Convent Religious Film Festival. The film was a prophetic one. She might have seen "Going My Way" or "The Bells of St. Mary's" (the winner of the Joe Ogilvie Religious Film Fun Award) or "Green Pastures" or "Heaven Can Wait" but no. The film she saw was "Brother Orchid" with the now-dead Edward G. Robinson. She realized the wrongs she wrought and said, "I've been a bad girl" and signed up to really become a nun at Our Lady of Euthanasia. She says she now spends her days doing to the English language what men used to do to her.

The BS girl appeared again without her catch-phrase. There are two possible reasons for this. (1) She has a look-alike sister who did not come here. (2) The monks cut her tongue out.

Ma Fowler, my fencing teacher, is a charming woman, with or without her cigars. She seemed to take special delight in jabbing me the other day. (Some wiseacre said I looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy.) The only reason I see for her aggressiveness is a statement she made on opening day. She crossed her fingers and said "Me and Sister Marie are just like this" and she indicated her crossed fingers. "I don't hate men," Ma told me in private later, "but I sure as hell don't see any reason to be nice to 'em." I probably don't have the best of partners either. Every time I lunge at her, she screams or lets out a short breath of air (either from her mouth or the gaping hole I just made in her body). She's also afraid to hit me with the foil. I said something to her about it and told her I wasn't afraid of getting hurt and that she shouldn't be either. But she tried to cover it up by saying that she didn't feel like doing it anymore since she found out that you couldn't hit below the belt.

Speaking (or writing rather) of people talking in their sleep, so does my roommate Hassan except he talks in Arabic. I went to the trouble to translate it last night and found out it meant, "My roommate is a fascist pig who will not see the light of day." Must have been a bad dream.

Early Letter from St. Gregory's University, Shawnee, Oklahoma

9/12/78

MJM Press Release
(Not for Publication)

Due to MJM's busy schedule, a full complete letter cannot be completed at this time so this notice of coming attractions is sent to you, the distributor, to tell your clients what they can expect. The full, complete letter (said by some in the industry to be one of the best and funniest letters ever produced in this area) will be coming to you the distributor in the following week. Here are some things to look forward to.

READ, how an innocent anarchist is thrown into an integrated hell of higher learning!

LAUGH at supposed intelligent students new-found ignorance and insecurity!

BE SHOCKED at the selection of editors for the St. Gregory CAVALIER. "Who did you say I have to sleep with?"

TITILATE to sexually repressed Catholic girls attempts to fulfill their libidinous longings at a school disco dance!

SICKEN at the sight of a nun using body language to tell the class what she really thinks of them!

CONFUSE at the many words you may have to look up!

YOUR JAW WILL DROP when the girl says, "I think your nose is a phallic symbol to a foreign student who, alas (and fortunately), doesn't understand!

PLUS++++++a preview look at MJM Productions' new fall series and upcomng short stories for the Christmas season!

DISCOVER what subconscious forgotten desire torments the artist's soul!

YES!!!! IT'S ALL COMING IN THE NEXT LETTER!! FORGET YOUR CLASSES AND JUST SIT BY THE MAILBOX! YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THE NEXT LETTER!!!

"I just wish this great material in this great letter was fit to program," says network whiz Ready Fred Silverman, "I know what American wants and boy, is this it!"

Note: The opinions expressed here by the MJM Press Department don't necessarily agree with those of the MJM Executive Branch nor is it guaranteed that all of the above information will be supplied due to laws pertaining to the mailing of pornographic paraphernalia and writings.

What Nathan Stacy said about the TWELVE CHAIRS also applies well to this forthcoming letter: "It'll make you laugh and it'll make you cry."

Highlights of Stillwater TV Schedule, 1981

Excerpted from a letter by Michael J. Moore--

HERE'S BOOMER. Boomer saves an old man's life when he correctly diagnoses a case of lung cancer.

THE ADVENTURES OF OZZIE AND HARRIET. Ozzie is locked in the ice cream store overnight. First of two parts.

LOU GRANT. Charlie (Mason Adams) wants laxative companies investigated when he has bowel problems. Rossi (Robert Walden) and Donovan (Jack Bannon) go undercover for a Trib story about gay psychopathic killers on Sunset Strip. Billie takes Animal to get his shots. Lou: Ed Asner. Crazed Killer: Roddy McDowall.

MOVIE: "Blondie Beats the System" (1952). The Bumsteads are rolling in dough, thanks to an error Dagwood (Arthur Lake) made on the new company computer. Internal Revenue Agent: Billy DeWolfe. Sarcastic Computer Repairman: Gale Gordon.

TRAPPER JOHN M.D. Old buddy Hawkeye Pierce (Jonathan Winters) visits and tries to figure out what made Trapper so bald and so boring.

MOVIE: "Simon and Garfunkel Meet Frankenstein" (1981 Made for TV Movie). See Close-Up below.

BOSOM BUDDIES. The problems of dressing up as a woman finally get to Kip (Tom Hanks). Henry meets two homosexuals from the Los Angeles Tribune.

MOVIE: "Tarzan Faces Ridicule" (1981). Tarzan seeks revenge on white devil and her husband who, disguised as filmmakers, drag Tarzan's name in ground.

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. Domestic trouble starts when Gilligan calls Mrs. Howell a cow.

SPECIAL: "The Mandrell Sisters in Bondage." Popular country female trio (Barbara, Louise and Irlene) are tied up and forced to perform the fantasies of guest Roddy McDowall. Costumes by Bob Mackie.

MOVIE: "Andy Hardy Parties" (1949). Andy throws a wild party and gets Polly Benedict knocked up. He has to marry her or ruin his father's chances of getting re-elected judge. He takes her to Mexico for an abortion but Polly ends up jumping off a cliff instead. Andy gets sentenced to a Mexican jail and becomes a drug addict. His father is re-elected judge.

Mr. Ed. Ed wants Wilbur (Alan Young) to put him out to stud.

TOMORROW COAST-TO-COAST. Guest Secretary of the Interior James Watt discusses the proper methods to dig up plants. New regular Rona Barrettal joins the cast and introduces the "Hollywood Ash Can" segment which tonight features clips of George Bernard Shaw talking about how he can look like Mussolini. Tom Snyder talks about his new waffle iron.

LEAVE IT TO BEAVER. Beaver and Larry Mondello (Rusty Stevens) find a whip and some leather goods in Ward's closet.

MOVIE: "Play It Again, Woody" (1978). Young man (Richard Gere) is inspired in romantic conquests by the specter of Woody Allen. He ends up alone, depressed, and in analysis for several years. Linda: Meryl Streep. Cindy: Lisa Welchel. Woody: Alan Alda.

ABBA DABBA DOO. Popular international recording group Abba meet Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble. Songs: "You Don't Know What You're Saying (The Lyrics Are In English)", "Wish They All Could Be Beach Boys," and "Flintstones' Theme Song."

CLOSE-UP:



Simon and Garfunkel Meet Frankenstein (1981 Made For TV Movie).


"I'm pretty sure I know what everybody's thinking," says Paul Simon, the successful one of the duo, "Everybody's thinking we're ripping off Abbott and Costello. I want to set the record straight. I suppose we are to a certain extent but the picture is going off into such different areas that I think any comparison between the two will be dull and void."


"I think Paul meant 'null and void,'" pipes in Art Garfunkel, "But he might be trying to make a pun too."

So begins one of the year's most imaginative TV movies which opens with the above pre-credit prologue.

The script, by Lawrence Kasdan, has the singing duo running afoul of the mad doctor Frankenstein, who has the idea of putting Garfunkel's vocal chords into the body of bass guitarist for KISS, Gene Simmons. Due to a clerical error, the vocal chords are put instead into the body of British actress Jean Simmons. It seems she is doing a revival of "Guys and Dolls" and they suit her just fine. After seeking help from the supernatural underworld of New York, Paul and Art then destroy the conventions of the American Musical Comedy as they try to get Art's vocal chords back in time for their New York Reunion concert.

Although some have reservations about Art fitting into the Lou Costello mold (and it is roomy for him), many feel the part of Bud Abbott to be made for Paul Simon. "Art probably won't act so stupid," Paul agreed, "But I will slap him around a lot." For those concerned that they may have to face a silent Garfunkel for most of the film, Kasdan comments, "Dr. Frankenstein transplanted his singing vocal chords, not his speaking vocal chords." Garfunkel will also dub a good portion of Ms. Simmons' singing.

Songs will include footage of the historic reunion concert including "The Sound of Silence," plus a couple of new tunes: "Fifty Ways to Cleave Your Lover," and "Luck Be a Lady of the Evening Tonight."

Notable in the supporting cast is Forrest J. Ackerman in his first film role in ten years since his appearance in DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN. Despite Ackerman's involvement in this project, old issues of the MONSTER TIMES were used for research. There will also be a special appearance by the hat Harrison Ford wore in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK.

Additional Cast: Dr. Frankenstein: Tim Curry. Gene Simmons: Himself. Dracula: Frank Langella. Son of Dracula: Ringo Starr. Vampirella: Deborah Harry. Creepy: Richard O'Brien. Eerie: Meat Loaf. Lenny: Lou Ferrigno. Sky Masterson: Marlon Brando. Voice Specialist: Forrest J. Ackerman. Scary House: Ackermansion. Lawrence Talbot Jr.: David Naughton. First Homosexual: Robert Walden. Second Homosexual: Jack Bannon. DJ That Gets Killed: Murray the K.